Don't Leave Me
by Lady Voldything
Summary: Sirius may have died in two books ago, but Remus is still mourning. He learns about himself, at Tonks' expense.


Author's note: I do not claim ownership of Harry Potter, its infinite profits for the already wealthy, the books, the movies, the plots, the characters, and especially not the cheap merchandise. I do, however, own this particular fan-written story. Lalala.

* * *

Remus stared at the silent floorboards of the dirty room. He had been sitting on the same bed in Grimmauld Place for five hours. Occasionally Buckbeak would make a low keening noise, and once Molly popped in to check on him. 

_Curious glances and an awkward hello. Help me with my owl, will you? First years, that way... What does the J stand for, mate?_

She left soon. They all did. They didn't know how to deal with a grieving werewolf who refused to see anybody from the outside world. Everything was so dark and nobody wanted the burden of consolation to fall upon them. They had their own problems. They were trying to regroup and cope with the death of Dumbledore. Snape was gone. Hogwarts might not open next year. Who had time for a tired werewolf's grief for somebody who died a year ago? It was last year. Old news. Yesterday's paper.

_Stammered excuses and uncovered secrets. My grandmother is sick. Every single month... You're a bloody werewolf! _

But it still hurt.

_Big surprises and moonlit nights. Messrs Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs... best of friends forever always._

Not just hurt, he decided. It _burned_. It burned him like a fire, all-consuming and deadly. As hot and fiery as the deepest hatred. Hatred for the scum who allowed it to happen, who took away everyone whom Remus held dear and brought the world down around everyone's ears: Peter Pettigrew.

_Fired spells and sneering insults. Snivellus... leave me alone Mudblood. Mudblood. Torment. Hide behind your book._

How could he? Peter was their friend. And now he's killed two of them. Remus was the only one left. Peter would be better off dead and Sirius and James were gone. Only Moony... to think that he was the last man standing.

_Best of friends and dark adventures. Marauding the halls and pulling pranks. Just the four of us. We solemnly swear... _

No. Not the last man. Not quite. There was still Peter. Peter, he thought. If you're out there, I am coming for you. I will kill you with my bare claws. No. Hands. Hands that know what they are doing and can plan and enjoy it, not the bare instinctual drive of the feral werewolf's jaws.

_Adolescent fumbling and sloppy kisses. This is so wrong. God MoonyPadfootMoony ohmygod iloveyou. _

Remus sat and stared, consumed by his thoughts until he began to feel sick, and did not hear the door creak and soft padded footsteps making their way to the bed. A slim arm crept around his shoulders and a soft kiss pressed against his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. A tentative voice, then. "Remus? Are- are you ok?"

_Big promises and secret meetings. We can't tell won't tell what would Prongs say. I'll never leave you only you and me._

He turned his head slightly to meet her concerned eyes. Wincing at the love, the adoration in them that he knew he didn't deserve, he swallowed the uncomfortable feeling that spoke of guilt. "Of course I'm ok, love, as long as I'm with you." She smiled at that, and gazed at him adoringly. She was so young, he thought. Too young for him... she was so innocent and pure, so unjaded by the world. She had seen battle, true, but she was still happy and still had hope. She couldn't see the thestrals that had always pranced for Remus.

_Hung-up coats and loving words. The Order fought today, he whispered. Horror and blood. It never gets easier. _

Her curious, almond-shaped eyes, a delicate blue today, fluttered shut. Tonks leaned in for a kiss, which Remus met tentatively. Trying desperately to forget his pain, he closed his eyes and kissed her.

_Burning hate and empty eyes. How could you, you bastard. Moony, I didn't. I never. I loved them too. Save me from this place._

Tonks sighed around his mouth, relieved at his supposed recovery from the black mood of before. Remus opened his mouth and deepened the kiss, half-satisfied by the little moan the younger woman made. He slowly put his hand to her face and brought her closer to him as she kissed him harder in response.

_Long-lost friends and a warm embrace. Good to see you. We'll kill you Wormtail. How dare you speak to Harry. We'll kill you._

Remus could feel himself getting hard. His hand moved slowly down her neck and slipped underneath her shirt. Her nipples were already hard from the cool air in the room when his hand ghosted over them, earning a little whimper from Tonks.

_Dusty halls and long rememberance. I thought I could escape this place. Seeing you again... you are my whole world. _

He kneaded her breast gently, trying successfully to extract greater and greater moans from the pink-haired woman on the bed with him. Tonks wound her arms around his shoulders and waist, pressing herself against his erection. He brought his other hand around the back of her head and pulled her closer to him, hating himself for reasons he didn't understand.

_Raging battle and dusty veils. I hear Harry's scream and try to stop him. You fall with grace. My heart is breaking... don't leave me. _

Desperate to banish the uncomfortable emotion, he kneaded Tonks' breast harder and twisted her nipple, causing her to gasp in pleasure and pain. She threw her head back, and Remus took the opportunity to kiss it hard, biting down so that he knew it would leave a mark that would embarass any other but a Metamorphmagus.

_don't leave me_

Tonks moaned excitedly at the feel of Remus' teeth on her neck as her arousal heightened and tightened into a little ball between her legs that was almost painful. The feel of his fingers on her nipple was maddening, and his hand slipping into her knickers was absolutely perfect.

_Sirius_

Everything was perfect: he was in an empty house with a pretty younger woman who loved him, with his hand down her shirt and her knickers while she was positively moaning in ecstasy, he was finally in a relationship again, feeling the press of another's lips for the first time in a year. It wasn't until he felt Tonk's hands fumbling for the zipper of his trousers that it clicked. Remus stood up abruptly, sending Tonks tumbling backwards onto the bed.

_Sirius_

She looked up at him in confusion, her trousers undone, her shirt half off and her hair mussed, with the expression of a kicked puppy. "I'm sorry, Nymphadora," Remus said. "I only just realized how wrong this is. I'm so sorry." He kissed her gently on the cheek, buttoned his trousers, and Apparated back to his flat, leaving Tonks lying on the bed, looking more hurt than he had ever seen her.

"_Sirius_-", he whispered to the empty air, "_I love you_."


End file.
